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For the past couple of years, I’ve been really interested in mandalas, and I’m intrigued by Jung’s work on mandalas and other symbols. A separate path (or so it seemed) lead me to permaculture, and through that I’ve just started to scratch the surface of an long-standing interest in Native American and other cultures (Mongolia!) which live or lived a life that was fully integrated in the nature around them.

I was thinking about our little “urban homestead”, and wanted a symbol for it. I thought about totem poles, but I was uneasy with adopting a symbolism that seemed so far removed from my ancestry. I’ve thought about my own heritage before…what in my life has been handed down from the German and the Swiss? Steve has some German heritage also, and I remembered the hex signs (or “barn stars”) of the Pennsylvania Dutch. From Wikipedia:

Painting or mounting “hexing signs” dates back to the pre-Christian era in Europe, when symbols and designs derived from or pertaining to the runes first appeared on buildings to invoke magical powers, either to hex or bring about good fortune. Over time, the practice took on several new meanings, especially as the number of those recognizing the old Germanic pagan religions declined; for some, the practice came to be about art and tradition; for others, the sign-creating was less-ritualistic, but still about “good luck”, especially for those concerned with good fortune in crop cultivation.

As it turns out, the modern symbology of the barn hex is pretty well established. And I realized that a barn hex was really a mandala. Click.

If you’re the kind of person who digs this kind of thing, I strongly encourage you to find a partner who’s a great artist. Steve took the idea and ran with it:

Here’s a closeup, before we cut it out:

And here’s the symbology of our barn hex:

• Blue: Protection, peace, calm, spirituality

• Brown: Earth, nature
• Yellow: Health, sun
• White: Purity, power of the Moon, energy
• Water Drop: Water, fertility, abundance
• Oak: Long life, strength, endurance

You might also recognize that this is the perfect collection of symbols for a homestead next to a water-and-Valley-Oak-filled Laguna de Santa Rosa.

Life is good. Very Good.

Hive Boxes and Bee Keeping Equipment

Originally uploaded by terriem

Today we got our beekeeping equipment, all ready for the bees which will arrive in about a month.

We’re starting out with two hives; if one begins to fail, we might be able to rescue it with frames from the other. The Schweitzers of Redwood City are going in on it all with us.

I’m reading The Backyard Beekeeper: An Absolute Beginner’s Guide to Keeping Bees in Your Yard and Garden, which seems like a great resource. And I’ve been finding other local resources and posting them on Permie.net.

I’ve been trying to get some seedlings of good pollen sources started. And I have some plants to get planted…right now!

Justin sends along this link, saying, “Do you subscribe to the big picture? If not, you’re going to love this.”

Wow. Photos that are not for the feint of heart, but they stir something very deep in me. Thanks Justin!

Those Kiwi’s really have it together. How do I love this talk? Let me count the ways.

But you know, I’m not scared by any of this. I regret the suffering, I know it’s big trouble — but it promises massive change and a massive change was inevitable. The way we ran the world was wrong.

I’ve never seen so much panic around me, but panic is the last thing on my mind. My mood is eager impatience. I want to see our best, most creative, best-intentioned people in world society directly attacking our worst problems. I’m bored with the deceit. I’m tired of obscurantism and cover-ups. I’m disgusted with cynical spin and the culture war for profit. I’m up to here with phony baloney market fundamentalism. I despise a prostituted society where we put a dollar sign in front of our eyes so we could run straight into the ditch.

The cure for panic is action. Coherent action is great; for a scatterbrained web society, that may be a bit much to ask. Well, any action is better than whining. We can do better.

I’m not gonna tell you what to do. I’m an artist, I’m not running for office and I don’t want any of your money. Just talk among yourselves. Grow up to the size of your challenges. Bang out some code, build some platforms you don’t have to duct-tape any more, make more opportunities than you can grab for your little selves, and let’s get after living real lives.

Go read the whole thing.

And we’re delighted with our ladies!

Justin asked what we do with the 3-4 eggs a day we’re getting now in spring.

Other than marvel at their colors, we eat frittata and quiche (using Justin’s quiche post as a guideline, of course. Bake. And I love giving them to friends and neighbors.

I might try to sell a 2 or 3 dozen a week to cover the cost of feed. Although they’re pretty good at finding things in the yard, I like to make sure they’re well-fed, and organic feed is only going to go up.

Must think more about things to grow for them. And check on the comfrey I planted in the back.

And PS: If you live near us and buy eggs, we’d love to have your empty egg cartons. We might even send you home with a full one!

I’ve heard this legend a couple of times, but I don’t have a real source for it. Whether it’s real Native American legend or urban myth, I don’t know. But when it comes to stories, I know what I like, and I like this:

During times of drought, the tribes sometimes joined together to do their rain dances. Every tribe had a rain dance, but one tribe in particular had a reputation for successful rain dances. It was said that if this tribe did their dance, rain was sure to follow.

The subject of the rain dance was brought forward at a gathering of the tribes. And the question was put to this tribe…”What makes your dance different? What is it that you do during your dance that brings the rain?”

And the answer from the tribe was this:

“When we do our rain dance, we don’t stop dancing until it rains.”

There is some cautious optimism that our recent rainfall may bring us closer to the usual levels.

But please don’t stop dancing.

Thought it was time to check in on what I’m actually up to.

I started Permie.net, a blog about permaculture resources. It’s still finding it’s own voice and direction, but I’m focusing on a lot of the wonderful local resources we have here in West Sonoma county. I really want it to show of some of the great work being done by permies (or permaculturalists) out there. And I’m getting more involved with the local community; the Sonoma County Permaculture Guild and Transition Sebastopol are becoming more active and I’m interested in helping those efforts grow. I’m also getting involved with the Santa Rosa Tool Library. These are all related to the work I really want to do, and I’m hoping to help create an environment where I and others like me can do that work together.

Our own home and yard is a constant source of projects to be done. I spend what time I can doing that, but am starting to see how I really need to apply some permaculture design principles and DESIGN instead of just wandering from one project to the next. We’re getting beautiful eggs from our newest chickens now, garlic is sprouting up, and we’ve gotten permission from the landlord to plant fruit trees.

I spent a lot of fall and winter trying to find paying work…not the easiest thing to do in this economy. Rather than waiting for my permaculture dream job (or any job!) to appear, I decided to sign up for classes at the JC to complement that work and fill in gaps in my knowledge and skills. I’m enrolled in three horticulture classes:

• HORT 80: Landscape Practices
  “This course prepares students to evaluate and improve the function and aesthetic value of public and private landscapes by applying appropriate maintenance techniques. Topics include planting, pruning, watering, soil fertility, pest management, weed control, proper use and care of hand tools, and landscape maintenance business practices.”

• HORT 50.1: Introduction to Horticultural Science
  “Introduction to horticulture with an emphasis on the basics of plant growth and development, plant descriptions and classification, plant propagation, soils, fertilizers, and water management.”

• HORT 93: Landscape Drafting and Design
  “Introduction to basic landscape drafting and design techniques for producing plan view scale drawings, construction details, elevation views, and landscape plans. Includes steps and sequence in the design process; design themes, principles, and elements; historical influences; plant selection and usage; and client-designer relations. Drafting equipment required.”

The classes are challenging and interesting. HORT 80 is almost all practical info with lots of hands-on; so far, we’ve done tool maintenance and pruning. It’s great to learn the proper names and uses of tools, how to pick a good one, and anything about pruning. (Pruning is amazing…it’s like trying to time-travel with a plant.) HORT 50.1 is basic stuff that I should have paid more attention to in high school biology, where it wasn’t being applied to anything. HORT 93 is my favorite and the most challenging…and I have serious work to do there to catch up after missing just one class.

Those classes are all required for the JC’s Garden Design Certificate, which I may or may not pursue. I have a fantasy about working with them to design a real permie certificate, and mix in some ag, animal science, ecology, native studies, and other classes.

But I still need to paying work to make things happen. My savings ran out last fall, and Steve’s been supporting us via contract work that has a lot of uncertainty. Over the past months, I’ve done a lot of interviewing and followed a lot of dead ends (looking for a job is my least favorite job of all!) On Monday I had a second interview for an entry-level customer service job…any port in a storm, right? It was with a nice company and I was ready to jump at it, but the offer came in even lower than I expected, plus I would have had to drop two of my classes. Everything rational in me said to take the job anyway. I twittered about my dilemma. A couple of smart friends weighed in on Facebook. I noticed that thinking about the job made me cry. (Hey, that might be good to pay attention too, eh?) Steve articulated some good reasons for not taking the job (an aside: I highly recommend marrying someone who’s smart, who you respect, and who loves you). I was able to turn the job down. I felt really good about that decision, but still worried. There was a big gap in my Maslow pyramid.

I had some discussions with my friend, Tony, who happens to be the founder and CEO of CrowdVine Social Networks. It seemed that CrowdVine had their own gap. And, in short, now I’m doing work for CrowdVine, as an account manager, helping them do some great work for some fantastic clients. I’ll be working part-time for CrowdVine over the next couple of months, while continuing my coursework at the JC. We’ll see what happens from there; right now, having that open-endedness is a huge win for me.

I like the work with CrowdVine. The best part, of course, is working with Tony and Jay. They move fast…the few hours I’ve spent working with them have been among the most intense I’ve worked in a job in a long, long time. I think a lot of that has to do with Campfire. I’m learning some new Basecamp chops, too…it’s clear to me how a small company can leverage these kind of tools to get really productive. I find that I enjoy working a job intensely, then logging off from it and really logging off from it.

I’m going to have to get really serious about time management, in a way I never have been before. Oh, I know people think I’m really up on all of that, but I don’t very disciplined about it on a practical level. And over the past couple years, I’ve felt increasingly sarcastic about the whole GTD thing. (I had an idea to do a cover spoof with my ratty self in half-built chicken coop in place of David Allen and call it, “Not Getting Things Done: The Art of Getting a Life”). But I need to revisit how I go about things…I had a plan to walk the dog at 6am this morning; it’s now 6:45 and I’m writing a blog post, and in about twenty minutes I’m going to feel all stressed out because it’s getting so late and I haven’t walked the dog yet. [Note: wrong, it's forty minutes.] I might try some of Tony’s Secrets of Productivity…though I’m working a “computer job”, I’ll probably be trying to cut down the number of hours I spend in front of a computer. I’m incredibly fortunate to really want to do all the things I have to do…so I’m pretty motivated to make it all happen. I’ve got no time to sit around wanking off on the latest index card to-do system or application setup that require just a few little tweaks to how Mac OS X works.

Anyhow, that’s what I’ve been doing. While I have a couple of things in mind that I want to write about, that’s why you might not see a lot of updates here.

Right now, there’s a dog and her person who need a walk.

Getting the new year off to a good start, I’ve launched a new web site, Permie.net. Permies are folks who practice permaculture, and my goal is to promote permaculture as a practice, permies as a people, and West Sonoma County as a locus of energy for permaculture in the United States.

The design is pretty rough (critics note: the Support us page includes a plea for logo design), but I’m going to focus on content first, and just keep on truckin…

Before creating Permie.net, I really questioned whether the world needed another web site. But I decided that no one is really covering this subject in the way that I want to. We definitely don’t need another doomer site…yes, there are bad things happening and they’ll probably get worse, but the truth is that bad things always happen. The apocalypse is always just around the corner. We need positive attitudes, fresh thinking, and, most of all, community building.

I want to do more than just a web site. I want to help create space for the permie community of west Sonoma county to flourish. We have amazing, deep taproots of sustainability in this left coast community. Re-use stores are mainstream here (and they’re NOT in other parts of the country). Did you know that more permaculture design courses have been held in west Sonoma county than the rest of California put together? We live in an area that combines the best of the counter culture with the pragmatism of a long agricultural tradition.

It’s time for this tree to bloom.

At Stone Creek on Sunday, we’ll practice the New Year’s tradition of ringing out the old year’s delusions by taking turns striking the bell until it’s been rung 108 times, once for every one of the 108 delusions that are said torment us. I love this ceremony; instead of the oppressing weight of resolutions, we get the relief of releasing something negative.

I’ve been thinking about what a tremendous year 2008 was for me personally. And it’s been most useful to reflect on it it in terms of delusions I was able to see behind (I don’t feel that I’ve conquered anything!). I thought I’d share some of those….thankfully, I haven’t come up with 108 of them!

If I don’t have a job, I’ll have plenty of time to pursue my interests and an entirely new way to make a living will appear

Well, I honestly didn’t think it was that simple. But I was surprised that there still didn’t seem to enough time to do everything I wanted to do. Nor did I have the energy to do it. I’ve beaten myself up pretty good about being productive and making good use of time. What I didn’t realize is that I need total downtime to recharge, no matter what I’m doing. I still don’t plan for that downtime well, but I’m starting to notice the need a little sooner. I’m also accepting that I can love the idea of some things, but not necessarily pursue them. For example, for now I’m an armchair adventurer and falconer, and rather than feeling disappointment, I’m feeling relief that I don’t have to upend my life in some relentless pursuit of a fantasy.

Downtime means down

If I’m tired and cranky, that means I’m needing to take a nap or relax, right? I’ve been surprised to find that it can actually mean that I need to get my body moving. Easier said than done, but being aware of it helps.

If I need to get a job, I can get a job

This has been a hard lesson. Getting regular paid work has been a struggle. Of course the economy doesn’t help, but I pretty much expected that. When I do get an interview, I’ve been surprised how much employers are putting candidates through. It’s not just your interviewing skills and resume you’ll need to polish…I’ve been given tests, asked to make presentations, and have been asked to submit sample work in a sort of a contest with other applicants. Even then, some of these can’t be bothered, evidently, to send a polite rejection email, which shocks me.

The corollary to this delusion was that I could always get an entry-level job working at a local store or something like that, just to get by…but the truth is, competition for those jobs are fierce, and most folks aren’t looking to fill those positions with tech refugees. There are bright spots on the horizon…but this is much harder than I expected. And I’ve found myself incredibly grateful to those people who have been able to take my resume in their hands, look me in the eye, and make a little friendly conversation. Many of them don’t want to touch it and have a look of panic about them as they explain there’s no way they’re going to be hiring. These experiences will forever change my perspective the next time I’m the one on the employer’s side.

To do permaculture, I need to get some land or join a community

This has been a really tough one to get over. The urge to find land and try to live off it is very strong; finding an intentional community to join (or founding one) is a related version of this. But I remind myself that this is a self-imposed limitation. The foundational ethics of permaculture are care of earth, care of people, and sharing the abundance….none of which require a deed or mortgage to do. If I can break through this delusion, I’ll really be onto something. In zen practice, we understand that we need to sit down in our life as it is, not reaching for an idea of what it could be or was. Likewise, in the practice of permaculture, I take care of the earth and its beings right where I am now. And I realize that the notion of owning land is itself a delusion…just ask the Pomos and the Miwoks and countless other cultures of the past.

If I do everything right, I’ll always be in a good mood; everything will fall into place

Seeing the fallacy of this has really rocked my world. I honestly thought that if I did everything just right, I’d feel cheerful. If I eat right, exercise, stay on top of my to-do list, have my plan of what I’m going to do with my life and stick to it…it goes on and on. I believed that somehow I was in control of an infinite number of factors and that by doing them all correctly, I’d be rewarded by feeling happy. If I’m not feeling happy, I must root out the cause of that and address it.

Now I accept that moods are something that happen to me…and I’m leaning towards the idea that life itself is something that happens to me. I’m not abdicating cause and effect, but I’m seeing the freedom in not putting myself in the position of omnipotent controller.

If I have all the right information, I’ll make all the right decisions (and then I can do everything right and be in a good mood!)

I’ve been thinking about this one a lot lately. I really enjoy reading blogs or searching for information about projects I want to do…but there is so much information to sort through now, I start feeling decision paralysis. And often I find that I spend way too much time researching something that I could have just done my own way anyhow. It’s not just the internet…I tend to collect books, tools, and maybe even classes. If I just have this reference on my shelf, if I just go to that class, I’ll have all this precious information that will make my life better (or, worse, garner me attention by giving me the appearance of being smart without actually doing anything).

To paraphrase Jon Young, feeding yourself a diet predominately composed of information will make you mentally ill. It’s the connections, not information, that create culture, and those connections involve all of our senses…even ones we’ll never realize we have. There is a nugget here that’s very valuable in thinking about my online life. I’m looking to reduce my online reading time; more information is not better. (The next great advance in the web will probably be the one that alleviates my anxiety that I’m missing some crucial piece of information without making me feel like I’m drowning in a flood.)

I’m not giving up the internet or books or tools or classes anytime soon, but I’m watching for situations where they’re only acting as placeholders. Are they just standing in as symbols of things I want to do? If I’m not actually doing them, what’s that about? It might mean I need to change something in my life, and that’s an awareness I want to continue to build.

I am alone

A pervasive and dangerous delusion that affects all of humanity, this manifests in a zillion ways. I’m not even sure what to say about it; it eludes my understanding. But if I can stay aware that it is a delusion, I think it will be one less thing blocking my path. It speaks to the need for connection. What’s really on my mind is how to build community. Instead of bemoaning the fact that we’ve lost our connections to each other, what do I have to offer to help fix it?

Happy New Year!

Strike the bell yourself. What delusions are you ringing out this year? I’d love to hear in the comments.

A friend thought I might have been a Larry’s patron while I attended Ohio State, and sent me a link to Larry’s: ‘Center of the universe’ closing. Not only was I a patron, but I worked at Larry’s for two or three years, and lived in an apartment above the bar during my last year in college. Larry’s was a huge part of my life. For a time it really did seem like it was the center of the universe.

My friend Stephanie took me to Larry’s for the first time, probably in 1985. She thought I’d like the Beatles album they had on the jukebox, Rubber Soul. She was right. For fifty cents, you could play any album side (yes, the juke box played vinyl LPs).

There was a rumor around campus that Larry’s was a gay bar; ostensibly to keep the greeks out. Larry’s was both a neighborhood bar and a place for OSU profs and grad students. Undergrads were welcome but tended to be intellectuals, artists, and musicians. Every Monday would be “Poetry Night”, featuring a reading from a local poet and then open mic…a precursor to the later poetry slams, you never knew what to expect. It could be funny, tedious, moving, or downright violent. Maybe all in the same night.

Larry’s usually had a low-key, friendly vibe. There were three t-shirts you could buy:

• Larry’s Bar, Grill and Seminar
• Larry’s Epistemological and Metaphysical Society of Lower Woodruff Avenue
• E=mc³

I don’t think I ever heard exactly what E=mc³ was all about. One time a patron asked me, “What do you think it would be like if that were the real equation?” I told him, “It would probably be really hot in here.”

I started working at Larry’s as a waitroid, their non-sexist term for the job. I’m not sure why they needed it, as I was the first woman to work there in some time. (Lots of people told me I was the first woman to work there period, but that was completely false…there just hadn’t been any for a while. Alcohol and memory loss…) People had a good sense of humor; for the first time in my life, I felt like I fit in somewhere. That may have been the alcohol, too.

I was thrilled to work my way up to being bartender.

I have so many memories of this place, both good and bad. I made friends I’ll never forget, too many of them already dead, and many lost track of (John Fredericks? Andy Neubauer? Tim Costigan? Paula Higgins? Rick Borg?). We had laughs like you wouldn’t believe. I met my first real boyfriend there. I saw two friends get beat up by men they couldn’t stay away from. We had an annual “prom”, and one year we had a wake of sorts; but any event like that was imbued with a delicious sense of entropy. Alcohol was a muse and a curse. People got on the wagon and fell off the wagon so much, one would think that Larry’s was the wagon.

It’s a little sad that Larry’s is closing, but I know that Larry’s really was more a state of mind than anything else. People from different eras will remember it differently…heck, people of the same era will remember it differently. But I think we’ll all remember it as a special place.

One Larry’s regular from my era was John “Jud” McGrody. He was a DJ at the local classical radio station, with a wry sense of humor. Unfortunately, we lost him too soon, too…but I don’t think that he’d mind if I shared this poem of his I’ve kept over the years. He read it at one Poetry Night and brought the house down, deservedly so.

Larry’s

“A loaf of bread, a jug of wine, and thou…”
–Omar Khayyam, The Rubaiyat
“Sack of Rome, six pack of Rocks, and a case of Do-or-Die.”
–Larry’s patron

Five thousand years ago today
under the endless green primeval midwest canopy
two squat red men stopped here to drink
and got to talking and eating nuts
and stayed till one a.m.
Five thousand years ago today, on a Monday. I got proof.

You won’t find this place in the Michelin guide
but it is in the Garcia Marquez Index
of musty, magical, dimly lit places
where people don’t age quite as quickly as they could.

It’s the bar with the all-talk sarcasm format.
The all-night quipathon for muscular atrophy.
Where it doesn’t really matter what you say
becasue someone at your table just wrote a thesis
on somebody Great who said it Better
but you don’t care that all the Great Thoughts
have been thought already by all the Great People
because all the Great People are Dead.
And they can’t get us here.

Here, where the outlook’s only fashionably jaundiced.
Where pain is only nature’s way of telling you you hurt.
Where death is only nature’s way of killing you.
Where love is a four letter word
and sex is a five letter word
and nobody spells too well around here
though everyone writes or at least edits something.

Here, where you are only a stranger
if you are stranger than almost everyone here.

Here, where ancient booth carvings tell us
five hundred years ago today
Columbus discovered Ponce de Leon
and they got to talking and eating nuts
and they both drank freely till one a.m.
from the fountain of graceful middle age.
And forgot to leave a tip.

–John Judson McGrody, 1/27/1986

Goodbye, Larry’s. Thanks for the memories.

What little of them there are left.